This is one of the strangest things I have ever done
I actually stuck some sticks in my ear and set' em on far. Why you ask? Read on. |
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My right ear was all stopped up, and I just couldn't hear!
It made me really sad, and I went to physician after physician, but to no avail. That is until a strange Shaman showed up at my door with some strange-looking sticks.
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The Adidas, Nevada hat-wearing Shaman said he had just the thing
He said: "Here, take these dang old far sticks and stickem in yur dang ears. Then, set 'em on far." |
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I thought, "Riiiiiiggghhhhtt"
Then I read the accompanying literature that was published by the NATIONAL STICK THESE DANG OLD FAR STICKS IN YOUR EAR AND SET 'EM ON FAR MEDICAL ASSOCIATION and at that very moment, I was intrigued. |
The shaman then showed me some "magical shiny paper"
Turns out it was just plain old Lumium Foil, but the way he folded it and waved it in front of my face made me know this piece of magical shiny lumium foil would somehow aid me in the search for a cure. Plus it was really shiny. |
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The shaman continued his convincing presentation
The amazing far stick medicine man then proceeded to place the actual far stick through the "shiny magical lumium foil." Why, I don't know, but the Shaman assured me that sticking the actual far stick through the "shiny magical lumium foil" was, in fact, the proper procedure one uses just before cramming the far sticks into someone's ear. |
After hearing his words of wisdom, I had to think about it
I thought and thought "should I shove that in my ear and set it on far?" I sat just like this for 4 days before making my decision. What finally pushed me to a decision was when the wise and ancient Shaman instilled upon me great knowledge and confidence in his exotic treatment methods by saying, "It works." Those words rang through my good ear until the end of the fourth day. At that time the Medicine Far Stick Man reapproached me for a decision. I said to the Shaman in my most serious tone ever, "well," and the procedure was underway. |
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The treatmen had begun
He stuck it in my ear and set it on far. |
Wild beasts were not involved in the treatment
but Fluffy came by and smelled me. He seemed approving. |
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He said this would help
To pass the time, Ron..I mean, The great and ancient Shaman, ate a cupcake. He said "Lay down 'air and shut up; let 'tim dang old far sticks burn down to yur dang head 'air bulls." |
After a few minutes it really started to feel good!
Really it didn't, after all I HAD A LIT TORCH IN THE SIDE OF MY HEAD but I smiled and gave a thumbs up because someone was taking my picture, and that's more important. |
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Fred Jenkins was disgusted
This is a picture of my boss, Fred Jenkins. He came in the room and saw what was going on, and was utterly disgusted with me. I didn't lose my job, but as you can see Mr. Jenkins turned his back on me. To this day Fred won't speak to me. All he says is "meow." I think he means "Why in heck far did you put them dang old far sticks in yur dang ears and set 'em on far you crazy old feller you" but he won't say that. All he says is, meow...I am truly sad. |
Did it work?
As you can see, this is a picture of what them thare dang old far sticks actually got out of my ear. Yes, this is gross and disgusting, but the "crazy" Shaman was right! Just stick them dang old far sticks in yur dang head and set them thangs on far, and the old crusty nasty wax just comes right out! |
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After that I was so happy, I pointed at my ear and smiled
It truly was a marvel of modern medicin...uh, it truly was a sophisticated procedur...hmmm....That dang old Shaman with his ear far medicine sticks really did help me out. He just shoved them thangs in my head, grabbed a lighter, settem on far, and in no time, I was better. Gee, THANKS MR. SHAMAN MAN WITH YOUR DANG OLD FAR STICKS AND YOUR MAGICAL SHINY "LUMIUM FOIL." These are truly wonderous techniques. I'll stick your far sticks in my ear and settem on far next time I caint hyer out of my right ear. And I'll take pictures of it and put them on this site. So you can look at them and laugh. And they make me laugh, too. Well, bye. p.s. candy and samwages |
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